Random Maria #1

Earlier this month I came across a video on Facebook promoted by the NY Times, it’s short documentary by a 35 year old Argentine woman that shares her intimate search for love and the answers she find along the way, the question in focus is: must she settle down or remain a free spirit in order to be happy?

She has over several years filmed her long time lovers, her one night stands, her plants and herself, and she gives an insight to her personal and professional life through her recordings. The first thought that hit me, was, ‘This video could have been made by me, and even the IPhone screen is just as smashed up as mine’. That thought first made me feel reassured in one way, as I realized I am not the only woman on earth asking this question and referring to my way of life as a “gypsie life”, but it also made me sad, as I no longer felt like a special, one of a kind, free spirit. I was sure I was the only one searching for a more spiritual life, and a love not as intense as the love stories in my early twenties but not as calm as my friends relationships in their mid-30’s? Am I not the only one who still at 29 can fit all my things in a few bags and move tomorrow should my hear desire? That is comforting and disappointing.

She says that in your 20’s you are free and everyone in your life supports your exploring of the world and love, but when you hit 30 it’s time for you, well for women, to settle down and start families. I still don’t know if I want a family (not very fond of babies) but there is another point which she says very well that pin point how I feel, and that is;  ‘I am sure that I do not want to travel through my life alone’.

I think it is exceptionally hard to find ever-lasting love on the (London) club scene, most of the time the men I date seem to value music, dancing and parties more than the companionship, which can make the relationship very unstable and unbalanced. Is this guys in general or is this just because I keep falling for DJs, does not men have a conservative curtain that falls when they turn, say, 33, urging them to settle down? But then again, settle down is not the right word for what I am looking for either. I still want to be able to pack up and move to Marrakesh should I please, but I would like to find someone to come on the travels with me. So I guess that put’s me somewhere in the middle, I want the stability of a partner, and the economic security of a job, but at the same time I want to be free and not tied down by babies or a mortgage. Thinking about my friends that pretty much sums up all of us. Most of my friend are in the music industry, or in creative jobs and warehouse living, most in their late 20’s, like me, and like the Argentinian woman in the video, so does that mean people choosing a creative career path want a freer (no tie-downs) but at the same time stable relationship, or is the creative, “gypsie lifestyle” just a phase to everyone goes through and after 30 most of you will properly “settle down”?

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